Hey Morrissey, My President is Black!

Dear Morrisey,

Hello. I greet you on behalf of America. Remember us?

The reason I'm asking is... well, it's been a while but... do you remember saying something to the effect of "America... where the president is never a black, female, or gay; And until that day you've got nothing to say to me, to help me believe"? I'm pretty sure this is the reason you left us to begin with, and we'd frankly like you back...

Well, if that business was the biggest issue you had with us, I've got good news! Our president is black now! If you don't believe me ask Young Jeezy! Or in fact just go to a quiet place and lean toward America today as you'll actually be able to hear "My President Is Black" playing an ocean away (since at least a few million people will have it on repeat all day)... actually how bout you just watch it here as that's less labour intensive...


I mean, unless I'm wrong, the rest of your proclamation when you left amounted to "I love you (I love you, I love you) but I'm not talking to you again til you pull you head out of you ass... that is no doubt full of hamburger that I asked you to shove there"... Well, we're definitely making steps towards repairing our relationship with you even if that only means being friends. I mean the love with you in L.A. was great and I hope we can get back to that... but if you wanna take a step at a time we understand. We aren't the world, no, but we want to be the world to you :)

So I ask you to reconsider Morrissey, and take America back into your heart... you know but not for more than four years... because we could very well become a hate filled burgermonster that is dead set on making everything suck again. You know but let's at least try things on for size, no? Ok, we look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Patch from "Arcadia" (speaking on behalf of America)

P.s. We lost some weight too! But we'd still rather keep the lights off until we can get a tan if you don't mind... I mean providing you come back and all. Ok, later!

P.p.s. If you forgot what you said and can't figure out why I wrote this letter here's a reminder...